Question by blu: How do I define the “chemistry” that attracts the opposite gender?
Where do I start? … Yrs. ago I sought the ‘trophy’ wife that presented the best of all possible worlds. I probably disillusioned my self thinking I could incorporate so much perfection.
Now I’m almost 57 yrs old. I no longer emphasize about the physical allurement but have a sound conviction about the necessary nature towards the mutual attraction of understanding, trust and respect. DAMN! … I wish I had prioritized this more correctly in my younger days.
I’m a first class example of an idiot that over estimated results.
All I know is that today I don’t care about some wrinkles, money, a few extra pounds or even a limp … lol. I just want to share the remainder of my life w/ a lady that will reciprovate the same w/ me as I want to do w/ her.
I feel like a man caught between generations. I have witnessed women exhibiting a flirtacious eye towards me. They make way more money than me. I estimate I’ve spent ,000 on dates and I’m still single … eventually I learn.
I won’t ask a lady out again but have now resigned my self exclusively to: meeting, w/ the expectancy that both will share the cost … seems like I’m in a minority here as women seem to think I have to make the first move (which includes first rejection and possibly the cost)
I suspect I’m destined to die single. I am comfortable this way knowing that life is better alone than w/ the wrong person.
I must admit … I’m losing respect for women as they gain greater degrees in the world of finance but drag their feet in the world of dating equality.
sophie- My additional details said “reciprocate”.
sophie- all men make mistakes … married find out about them sooner. I suspect you are a credit to your gender.
sophie- Will you now draw attention to my lack of the capital “A” in my above post?
E-Ma commands more respect than I humbly ackowledge can give.
connor- I said I was content knowing it’s better to be single than attached to the wrong person … I guess you’re right … that sounds like I’m feeling sorry for my self.
Distorted minds read in and interpret distorted thoughts.
mik- Thanks for that but I suspect it’s more complicated.
Answer by E-ma
The attributes you describe of, “mutual attraction of understanding, trust and respect,” sound like the type that come through friendship 1st.
I’ve had the “chemistry” romances. I hate quoting Paris Hilton in any form, but it’s true, “That’s HOT!” Be that as it may, it’s not grounds for a long term relationship. It just continues until you are both physically exhausted.
I know it’s so over used to say, “quit looking,” but I don’t mean it in the sense of not being open to a romantic relationship.
This best, long-term relationships I’ve had began b/c I treated every man as I did every woman, meaning, JUST a friend. A companion to do activities with that we both enjoyed. And then those that spent enough time with me in more & more activities found that we had more in common until there was the talk of, “Hey, can we see if this could be something more?”
The relationship was always nice b/c the friendship & the ease of being around that person & being accepted for who I was, was already in place. So things moved forward with much ease.
Have many friendship “dates.” Let it be known that you like to enjoy the company of your friends so that no woman is mislead that they are in an exclusive relationship with you. It actually takes the pressure off of BOTH of you from trying to keep putting your best foot forward on each date if you both know the date is about having fun, not so much about getting romantically close.
It’s good that you dropped the whole appearances regulations. I’ve found many good men wrapped up in unexpected packages.
Just put yourself out there for friendship. You’ll notice when things feel deeper b/c as friends you will be having uncensored conversations (as opposed to, “I better not say that. He/she may not find that attractive in me.” So you end up with a lot of lady friends and then maybe 3 possible future relationships. When that time comes, you let the other ladies know that you won’t be dating any more b/c you’d like to see if this particular relationship may hold something more for you.
A real lady & friend will appreciate & respect the honesty. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, they are still your friend & if they get the romance ideas, you are a good candidate b/c they already know you are honest & that when serious, you become an exclusive date. It’s like pre-advertising your best qualities.
Actually, those who may have never considered you as more than a friends, may start thinking differently of you when you show that you intend to be a faithful man when involved in a serious relationship.
Date, date , date! And I don’t mean this modern style of sex on the 3rd date. But really have fun making friendships with women. It takes awhile to make the investment of time & effort, but once you have a ring of lady friends and the serious relationships develops, it kind of has this domino effect of moving things on quickly after you start up.
EDIT: Another good point. ‘Tis true, friends pay their own way unless one has extended an invitation. But to say, “I was going to attend X-Y-Z next Thursday. I thought you’d like to know about it since you’ve shown an interest in that. If so, I hope to see you there.” They go, good. They don’t, meet new ladies @ an event that you have shared interests in. See how this is so win-win for everyone?
What do you think? Answer below!