Jun 022011

Question by MediatorDina: What part of becoming a new parent was hardest on your marriage?
Babies are bundles of joy, but their arrival changes everything completely. When you became a first time parent, what caused the biggest problem in your relationship with your spouse? Could be little, might be big.

Best answer:

Answer by LC
Lack of sleep made us both a little irritable, and our sex life suffered a little. That was bad, because that is our way to reconnect when we are driving eachother crazy. It was a little hard, but I wouldnt call it marital problems. At the same time, him being the father of my children has only deepened my respect for him. I see a whole new side of him that I can love.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

  5 Responses to “What part of becoming a new parent was hardest on your marriage?”

  1. My wife’s philosophy was that if I wasn’t at work, then I was the primary care giver for our child. On weekday evenings and weekends, I would be responsible for cooking meals, doing the chores, and taking care of our daughter while my wife “took a break” and played video games. When I approached her about this, asking when I would get some time to engage in some hobbies or spend time together, she said that my free time occurs while I’m at work (which of course, doesn’t make sense since I’m working at work). Basically, when my child was born, I went from being a family of a husband and wife to a family of a single parent with two kids. It was horrible.

    For those wondering, I pressed the issue about my stress level and needing a weekend to relax so my wife threw me out. I divorced her and took custody of our child since she had no intention of taking care of herself, let alone being a mother to our child or a partner and companion with me.

  2. Same thing as snow.

  3. My husband’s lack of understanding what I was going through.

    I breastfed and sometimes I’d just cry. I did NOT have post partum depression but because someone put a bug in my husband’s ear about it, he swore each time I cried it was because of it. He thought I hated breastfeeding. When in reality, my nipples hurt so bad from nonstop feedings, my boobs hurt so bad because I’m a new Mommy, and milk couldn’t come in fast enough with increased feedings.

    He was an amazing new Daddy with changing diapers and bath time and feedings (when he could). But that one lack of understanding just really made it so hard for me to adapt. Because it’s not something you can explain to the opposite sex.

    But in the end, he really is a kick ass Daddy!

  4. My hormones, possessiveness of the baby, and lack of sleep. His lack of understanding, uselessness in taking care of the baby, his total lack of help. He felt if I was taking the year off then the baby was my job. So every late night feeding was mine etc. We worked it all out. I feel it made us a stronger couple. Im more prepared for it this time.

  5. The hardest part for us was my not properly communicating what I needed from him. Our firstborn was colicky and caring for her was more trying that I, we, had anticipated. It took a while to realize he could not walk in the house and magically know that I needed a break, or a shower, or for him to do a certain household task to help out. I needed to verbalize my needs and once that hurdle was jumped we became stronger as a parenting team. Also, learning how to adapt to a new budget was a bit straining as well. Going from two incomes to one took some balance and a lot of sacrifice.

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