Feb 202012

Question by : What do you think about this story idea?
Okay, so I’ve recently set to work on a book. Not my first serious attempt, but this is an idea a good friend proposed, and I’m working on it as a gift to her, with the hope of maybe one day getting it published.
It encompasses a lot of genres. Fantasy, historical fiction, science fiction. It has romance and drama and action/adventure with a nice dose of angst along the way.
Our conversation started out on Twilight… now stay with me, here and hear me out, please! It moved on to how we could take the general idea (ie girl falls in love with vampire) and make it un-cliche and very unique and different and something that hasn’t been done before. (And trust me! This idea is so weird it certainly makes the unique grade, and I have a good idea to turn it into a nice book!)
Anyways, I was wanting to get your opinion on these characters introduced in this first bit. We meet our narrator- Priscilla, a young woman in her late teens. And the person who will turn out to become her best friend- Kirra, a woman who looks sixteen, but is in reality ancient. So please tell me what you think of this first bit, as it’s the first part of chapter one? Would you continue reading this? Keep in mind this will not turn out like Twilight! No love triangles and no sparkly vampires!

I gazed out through the night. Cliche’ as it sounds, the night was still and calm. The wind barely blew, gently rustling the harsh material of my skirt and lifting the long, straight strands of my hair. It was rather peaceful standing there, peering out into the endless blue as the salt air tickled my nose. I could have stayed there forever, gazing at the blue… and thinking of nothing.
“One who stares so much must have alot on her mind.”
I almost jumped, startled at the sound as I twirl around.
She stood there, her dark chestnut curls bobbing softly in the faint wind, looking perfectly at ease in the pale brown dress that matched my own. Where I desperately longed to be wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I knew Kirra was comfortable in the unfamiliar clothing. Well. It was unfamiliar to me. Kirra had worn that style before, more than likely.
At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure how old Kirra was. Few people know. All I knew is that she was old. One of the oldest werewolves alive, I knew. But more than that was a mystery. Despite her age- centuries older than I- she looks years younger than me. She looks for all the world like any normal sixteen year old girl. Clear emerald green eyes, soft bouncing curls of a dark, warm reddish-brown. Her skin is fair, pale as alabaster and even milkier than mine. I hesitate to say she she’s beautiful. Abigail is beautiful, but Kirra has a certain elegance- a certain grace- about her. She’s much easier to talk to than Abigail.
“Not much, truthfully,” I replied. I was surprised she was out there with me. Usually Abigail or Beth was running her away from me. I was the youngest of our expedition. Many thought that I shouldn’t have even been there. It was Abigail and Beth’s self appointed duties as senior Guardians to ‘save’ me from the attrocities of the ‘lower beasts’.
Really, thinking back on it, there was nothing about that expedition that could be termed normal. Younglings such as I were never sent on Recall. More than one senior Guardian was a rare thing on Recalls, as well. And the Fae never, ever got along with Werewolves. It simply wasn’t heard of. But even the stiff and stern Abigail had admitted we would need Kirra’s help on this expedition. After all, it was her ‘brother’ we were chasing.
“Even a blank mind is not empty,” she said, leaning forward against the railing of the bow and lifting her face into the salty air.
“Do all old ones speak in riddles,” I asked, my annoyance at that clearly showing. It was as if anyone older than me thought that speaking in riddles was fun and game.
Her laughter was bright and bubbly, lighting up the night. “It is only a riddle if you do not understand. When you understand… it is merely the truth.”
The look on my face must have been comical and shown my displeasure, because she laughed again.
“Are you scared?” I asked suddenly. It was something I had thought on often. My fear. How must she feel?
She lifted one thin shoulder in an elegant shrug and turned her eyes back towards the sea ahead of us. “Scared of what?” She replied with a question. “Am I scared of the war we are heading into? No. War is war, and I have seen my fair share of those. Am I scared of the war we might cause? Of what might happen if we fail? Maybe. Most of all, I am scared of loosing my brother. He is the only family I have left, after all.”
“Abigail said werewolves don’t beleive in family,” I whispered.
Her laugh that time was bitter. “Wh
I’m pretty sure nobody else’s vampires or werewolves have time traveled back into the civil war. At least… I’m pretty sure, at least.

Best answer:

Answer by Cree
not very interesting to me

What do you think? Answer below!

  3 Responses to “What do you think about this story idea?”

  1. no more vampires please, I’m begging you. I’ll even do a freakin hand stand if it tickles your fancy.

  2. It sounds really good. The grammar flows nicely. However I think you should reconsider writing about werewolves unless you are sure it is not going to cliche along with the other thousand vampire books rotting on my shelf.

    Good luck

  3. Hi!
    Sorry, i hate vampires! Your story has some errors, that you can fix in the future. But please, don’t you think that theres way too many vampires stories out there? I think with twilight is enough! You could write about other things. Just read books and movies that will inspire you to think of another idea.
    But i have to say that you have a great talent when your writing! Just keep writing BUT with something else! Never give up*♥*
    Hope it helps!

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