Question by Akaisha Lynn: Im writing a story and i want to know what everyone thinks?
Im writing a story called “The Life Of A Girl”. Its about a 13 year old girl going into the 9th grade, but shes not a normal teenage girl. Shes half demon. *for all you who watch anime*. She falls in love w/ a guy names Matt. The girls name is Akaisha. It’s romance, mystery, and i guess you could call it suspense all rolled into one. Tell me what you think whether be good or bad and i want to know how to make it better. so here goes:
The Life Of A Girl
How my life began
Hi my name is Akaisha Williams and I am a thirteen year old girl going into the 9th grade. Yea, I know most kids don’t go to High School until their 14, but I am not a normal teenage girl. In fact I’m not even a normal human being. Let’s go back in time just a little bit. My mom was a normal teenager who just got out of college. She was looking for love and she found my dad, who was what my mom thought was a normal guy who also just got out of college. They were both studying Law at A&M and UT. When Jezzabelle (my mom) found out that Nethaniel (my dad) was half demon she freaked a little bit, but before she had anytime to take all this in she found out she was pregnant with me Akaisha Lynn Williams. I am half demon. Which is kind of cool at times, but a lot of the time I wish I could be just a normal teenage girl. My mom died while giving birth to me so my dad has been raising me to become a demon slayer. Even though he’s a demon, he’s good. His father was one of the most evil and deadly demons on earth. But when his dad got married that all changed, he wanted to be good to his wife and his family so he had 2 choices either give up his life so that his kids who will be full demon are good or stay alive, stay evil and have his kids become like he did. To save the pain and misery from his kids the night he found out his wife was pregnant with their second child he decided to give up his life for his kids. That’s how my father now Nethaniel is a good demon. He’s also one of the most powerful ones out there. Since I’m just now learning how to use my powers I have a hard time controlling them. Oh yea, back to the reason why I’m in 9th grade instead of 8th. Well my Dad, principal, and my teachers thought the curriculum was too easy to they put me in pre-AP classes, which were still too easy. I’m still in 7th grade and I’m now in all AP classes, which turned out to be perfect. So instead of making me go through a whole bunch of classes everyone already knew were to easy, they let me skip a grade and I’m now in high school. Which to tell you the truth is a whole lot more fun than middle. The reason I’m so smart is because my mother was one of the smartest women in the world and apparently I received her smart genes and my father’s demon genes.
I met this really hot guy named Matt. He’s not only the most popular guy in school; he’s the only one who ever talks to me. I’m not really in a certain group, but I guess people would put me in the Emo/Goth group. I wear a lot of red and black. Matt asked me out to lunch one day and I was really excited, but he’s a sophomore and I’m a freshmen. That didn’t happen too often, so I didn’t know what I had just gotten myself into. After lunch he walks me home and asks to meet my dad. I hesitate for a second then I think ‘What’s the worst that can happen’ not really thinking of the worst that could happen. So he comes inside and sits on the couch, while I go get him a glass of water. Then I hear my dad’s truck pull up, so I rush back into the living room where I see Matt and my Dad talking calmly. This was very unusual for my dad after meeting one of my future boyfriends. Then my dad pulls me into the kitchen and asks if he’s my boyfriend I say “No Dad, he’s just a friend who took me to lunch and he wanted to come meet you”. So he agrees to sit and chat with him for a few minutes. After that I walk him to his car and when he saw that my dad wasn’t looking out the window anymore he leaned in and kissed me. I was so surprised I never thought that a sophomore would kiss me; I never thought anyone would kiss me.
When I got back inside my dad asked me how much I liked him and I said a lot but I also said that there’s no chance in the world that he could like me. After me and my dad talked about Matt for a few minutes, I realized I was late for work. I worked at a little restaurant for teens. On my way home I run into Matt and Mark (Matt’s twin brother) and I ask if they’d like to come and stay for dinner they agree. When we get home I noticed that my dad wasn’t home, he would usually leave a note telling me where he went and when I didn’t find one I started to freak out a little. So I go to the kitchen and try to call his cell phone but he doesn’t pick up so I leave a message “Hey dad, umm…you didn’t leave a note so I’m wondering where you are, I’m also a little worried about you. So call me ASAP when you get this. Thanks love ya.” Matt asks me what’s wrong I say “My dad’s not home and he didn’t leave a note.” The reason this isn’t good is because ever since his dad died and he became good there’s been a whole bunch of evil demons after his power who think that no good demon should have such power.
While Akaisha was making dinner she could over hear Matt and Mark talking and didn’t know what they were talking about until Mark said “Her father has no right to live. He has way to much power.” Then Matt says “Leave the guy alone. He’s done nothing to you. Leave him and his daughter alone.” That’s when she comes out of the kitchen and says “What were you planning to do to me Mark. The same thing your father did to my mother.” When Akaisha was born everything was going great until this man named Octavious volunteered to get my mom a glass of water, and when she took a sip of it she died instantly. Nobody knew she was poisoned until he came and confessed, and nobody knows why he did it either. Octavious was a normal guy who always wished to be demon. His mother was full demon, but his father was a mortal. His brother inherited all the demon genes while he’s stuck being a stupid mortal. Mark had no idea that Akaisha knew what his father had done, but she had a clear idea. “Why should your father have to suffer but you get to live?” He retorted “How do you know where my father is? What have you done to him? Where is he?!?” Matt breaks in “EVERYONE SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN!” “Mark has no idea where your dad is. He’s just mad because, well I don’t know why he’s mad.”
Once everyone was calm and as collected as they were going to get they all sat down for dinner. During dinner Akaisha got a threatening phone call about her father. The voice on the other end seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Then the voice handed the phone over to a woman who asked “Is this Akaisha Williams? If so we have your father.” And then she hung up. Akaisha didn’t even know her father had any female “friends”. She tells this to the guys and they try to track the call on the computer but she called from a payphone. And there were thousands of payphones on the city, so there was a 10 out of 100% chance that they were going to find the phone that the girl used. They decided to sleep on it and figure out what to do in the morning. The guys spent the night at Akaisha’s because Matt didn’t want anything to happen to her. Akaisha felt so loved.
Answer by bassist2457
I think this would be better off in the Lit. categorey, but from what I read it was very bad. Very predictable and very cheesy. I think the whole demon thing was weirdly introduced and it needs alot of punctuation help in the conversations.
Give your answer to this question below!