Question by BrookEllis: Does this sound like an appealing story to read? 10 points(:?
I have started to write a story and want to know whether you would read onwards, any tips are appreciated. I am 13 and female by the way.
About – ‘Murderous Muse’ – 2 children explore a house, go missing and get lost. Time outside the house freezes, no-one can help, no-one knows they’re missing. And if they ever escape, will time ever be unfrozen?
The house dwarfed everything else in the street. It stood of a strong build, with eager enthusiasm to scare, to haunt, to turn night into day. Secrets were writhed into the walls of the house, as night bewildered it’s presence. To itself, the house was muse. Wooden boards enclosed the windows which ceased to be a rotten string of ivy, hanging to the cracks in the walls. Withered oak branches smouldered the remains of what used to be a door. Other houses which lingered on that very street, simplicity worked at it’s best. Tall houses; painted the blue only newborn baby’s eyes can describe; gardens with rose bushes and plum trees planted. But apart from the ego of a house so demonic, something didn’t seem correct; but no-one knew what…
BEGINNING OF STORY:
Brianna Perez was a small 12 year old of exactly five feet, who had beautiful, stick straight, flouncy brown hair down to her shoulders and tanned skin; the colour of sand. She walked with great posture and confidence beamed down on her. Her features denied such shyness she employed within, but Brianna believed she was beautiful and no-one could tell her otherwise. She did, however, have a twin brother. His name was Josh Perez, and he had all the same features as Brianna apart from his tufty blonde hair. The great American sunshine shone in the city of Tennessee, leaving a temperature of 38c emerging throughout the city for all to inhale.
A forest stood swaying in the slight breeze on the corner of Ewington Close, the road on which Brianna and Josh lived. It held a slight sense of murkiness and an eerie presence gathered at it’s sight. Daunted by the forest, many people of Tennessee turned around and ran with tears streaming from their face. No-one knew why, but this forest, was like an onion. Once you can see the inside, you start to cry. There is many a legend, that inside the forest lives fantasies of all kinds. Forest fluttering, shadowy ghost-like black horses than gallop through the mistified sky on a cold winter’s night; flowers that grow and strangle any living object that gets in it’s way; a moon with a face that smiles and cackles with an evil laughter. Ever since an incident a few years ago, no-one has dared enter the forest, leaving it nicknamed ‘No Man’s Forest.’ The incident was tragic and formed a scarceness of demonic myths to surround it. A 9 year old girl named Becky Plumber was playing truth or dare with her friend’s. She got dared to run in the forest, and run straight back out. So Becky, being the adventurous and outrageous child she was, ran in. But she never ran back out. A scream was heard then the howl of a wolf which freaked her gaggle of friend’s who ran shrieking, “He’s out to get us!” Her life and absentness remains a mystery, leaving her lost in a world of imagination.
Brianna was especially scared of the forest, as one day last October she saw something; a shadow of a human. In hear ears rang the words “Come with me, into the land of mystery…” and she heard it in a deep tone of a masculine voice. It was in no doubt coming from the shadow, it had to be a human. Perhaps it was Becky? But no, she didn’t wait around to find out, instead Brianna sprinted like a bolt of lightning travelling across an unlit circuit of flames with her face; pale and peak.
10 points to the answer that’s the most detailed!
Answer by Jake
It’s kind of cliched, but this is definitely a good start if you are only 13.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!