Question by Ryelle P: How can I do it without him taking advantage of me?
I love my sweetie and want to make him happy. He reads the Bible often and wants a submissive wife. I am a very kind hearted, giving person. I like to take care of people (I am in the medical field) But I am afraid that if I adopt the “serve him” mentality, he take me for granted or use me? How can I be a “good Biblical wife” without being taken advantage of?
Best answer:
Answer by cath
if he doesn’t love you the way you are then he isn’t worth it.
Add your own answer in the comments!
Submissive does not mean subservient as the Feminazi’s would have you believe.
Here’s a flowery BS emo website you might be interested in reading: http://www.submissivewife.org
“How can I be a “good Biblical wife” without being taken advantage of?”
You expect and hold him to the standards of a ‘good Biblical Husband’.
your are looking at it from the wrong perspective i think a good wife is a good wife you do what you think is wright and what you believe is acceptable and he should do the same a marridge is about give and take not just take
is he up to the standards of a ‘good Biblical Husband’
You can’t and you need to be prepared for a difficult life with him if you stay there.
Old archaic practices and precepts ended early in the 20th century and it is not generally acceptable now to treat people in those ways.
While there are submissive people out there, they have chosen to be in that role and in a lot of cases have been trained to be in that role so that they know survive in that type of relationship.
If you have any doubts then move out.
Your already married. He chose his wife. If he wanted something different besides you, he should have chosen that. The thing is here, You cant change people, nor can they change you, Would you be happy and content with yourself if you were to act in a way that doesnt feel like you? Ask yourself that. Sit down and tell him how your feeling, explain to him that you feel he isnt happy with you. and honey if he truly loves you, he will say, i love you the way you are…and that will be the end of that. And that my dear, is the way its supposed to be. Bible or no bible!
Best of luck my dear, please love yourself first.
Do you know what men really want? Someone to massage their ego every once in a while.
How you do it, depends upon the guy. Some guys love favors (not sexual just stuff like dinner). Some guys like compliments and gratitude. Some guys like hugs and kisses. Some guys want to monopolize your time and attention. All men enjoy sex, of course.
That’s it. I doubt you have to worry about being a doormat, and I doubt he wants someone to live under his thumb. He probably just wants someone to lift his spirits and someone who appreciates/encourages his masculinity.
I am a very religious (not Christian) and I know what you are talking about. be good to him but it is your right to say your opinion and it is ok to disagree. do not sacrifice everything for him (friends and your “me time”. talk to him and let him know how you feel about anything and it should work just fine.
You can’t unless you have no respect for yourself .
Well, …, Don’t forget that old Greek saying, “The Husband is the head of the wife … but the wife turns the head!”
Now, this is more than just a humorous folk proverb; it underlies the importance of mutual deference in the married relationship. A one-sided marriage as you described above is not a marriage at all and you should never enter into to that kind of relationship.
A lot of people look at the Bible (including some well read Christians) and misinterpret a very well known passage from Ephesians the 5th chapter. Let’s take a look at it:
Eph 5:22-24 – 22) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (NIV)
Now if you stop right there you walk away with the impression that the wife is to live her life in perpetual marital servitude. HOWEVER, that couldn’t be further from the truth. You have to read that verse in the context of the verses that immediately follow it and they are …
Eph 5:25-33 – 25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, (27) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– (30) for we are members of his body. (31) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (32) This is a profound mystery– but I am talking about Christ and the church. (33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)
Think for a moment of what Jesus Christ did for mankind. Even though Jesus was God he gave up a comfortable position with God and came to earth to suffer and die for mankind. He endured the vilest abuse, torture, and ridicule possible and then endured the shame of the Cross (a death He didn’t deserve) to save an ungrateful world. That is how Husbands are to give themselves up for their wives. To make sure she’s cared for, that her needs are met, and despite the days when it doesn’t work the way you think it should, to still yield. It’s known as mutual deference. I give up my rights to make sure my wife’s needs are met and she gives up hers to meet my needs. Together we loose our identities into one another to become a new being … the family.
Think of a single sperm and an egg. Each is a separate entity yet limited. To survive, the egg must give up it’s right’s as an egg and the sperm must also give up it’s rights as a single entity to join with the egg. Once joined together, both individually cease to exist. Instead they grow into an absolutely different whole being. That is what God wants for husband and wife. Man and Woman give up their individual beings to become a very new and different creature. One that can no longer be named by a singular name e.g. “John” or “Tina” but only described as “John and Tina”. You are not just the connection of two souls, or two people sharing a bed you are the combination and integration of two beings that have become one new amazing being.
That is what the Bible is trying to put forth not only as the model for marriage, but also for the individual Christian and the Church as a who. God living in you and you (yes you) living in God the two of you becoming a new creation. (Col 1:27; 2 Cor 5:17; Jn 17:22-23).
This is why divorce is “unthinkable” you can not dissolve a union like that and who would want to? The unfortunate reality, though, is that we have lost the vision that God has for Male / Female unity and become self-absorbed individuals who care only for ourselves. We certainly desire an enduring integrated relationship but are largely unwilling to pay the price that it takes to develop it. As a result, we live together for a few years until a tragedy or “irreconcilable difference” occurs and we split an go our separate ways.
My question to you what do you and your fiancée want? Is he willing to die for you? Are you willing to give yourself up for a man like that? If the answer is “no” to either of those questions then you shouldn’t even bother walking down the aisle. If you do, it will just be a farce that will end in pitiful regrettable tragedy with a wake of emotional disaster trailing behind you. However, if you can both answer a resounding “YES” to those questions (and in must be a resounding YES for you both) then you’re going to experience a depth of relationship that transcends life and death itself.
The decision is yours.