Question by ѕραякℓιη’ ∂σgƒιѕн: A revised version of an old poem, care to comment?
Ode to the Raven
Bleak and dry, this mountain top,
Where only birds will come to stop,
There is a evil lurking there,
I can taste it in the air.
Black He is, Black He was,
and Black He’ll always be,
A ragged, noble King of birds,
shrouded in mystery.
With ease and grace He soars the skies,
Above that mountain peak,
Where the winds blow high, nonstop,
And storms overcome the weak.
A purple sky, raw and cold,
Hums with lightning and power,
The dark gray clouds are closer now,
The King must take a shower.
Dipping through the patches,
With no restraints in sight,
A black and furious whirlwind
Is cutting through the Night.
He leaves a trail of feathers,
Behind Him in the sky
No use for ropes or tethers,
The Devil winging by.
He lands upon a broken branch,
This will be His throne,
And there He sits out the storm-
He may as well be stone.
When at last the storm is done,
The King is already gone,
He’s flying to the mountain peak
To see the break of dawn.
—
The storm is past, but fog remains,
Rivulets trickle down to natural drains,
The King perches on the very peak,
King of this World, so to speak.
He watches as the sun rises up,
His domain comes to life,
The songs and calls of racous birds
Some sweet, some like a knife.
A glittering, obsidian eye
Hinting at some humor [dry]
As He so casually looks around
He takes in both sky and ground.
His fighting spirit rising within
Causing him to spread his wings
He takes to the air with a wild song,
Wherever He goes, from his mountain He won’t be long.
—–
I wrote this…. Quite a while ago.
I just keep adding on, haha.
Criticism, advice and feedback always welcome.
Thanks for readin’ and commentin’.
Best answer:
Answer by Amber
Wow, Thats realy quite good,
I used to write quite alot of poems but i kinda gave up. i like how this one is not ‘childish’, as in, the rymes do not realy match and there is not much sentance structure but rather this is very detailed and almost always follows the right pattern.
Very good job, indeed!
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We need this to show how much we are supposed to strike out the industrial chemical on food cycle……. sry for being cynical…i love your writing
That is one amazing poem you wrote here.
Excellent and flows so smoothly, yet tells
the story with such detail….and gr8 choice
of descriptive words~ I’d say a 10 ! ! ! ! ! !
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