by Abode of Chaos

Question by : Is the story i’ve been writting any good?
here’s a little sample of the story… read it and please be honest as to what you think about it. Thanks in advance.

My name is Elizabeth Rose McPherson; I am 13 years old, although my loving mother jokes, she says that I am older than my physical age, my thoughts are too old for the body in which I exist In. It is early spring in the year of 1575, in Wicklow; it is a quite and small province on the isle of Ireland. I have a predominantly skinny frame to my body, my skin is very light almost pail in color, my hair is red ,long and curling in every which way, my eyes are a lovely green or so I’ve been told on multiple occasions. I am one of five children that were born to Lennox and Rosalind McPherson. My siblings are Edwin (23), William (20), Shames (17), me (13), Katherine (8) and Agnes (1).
Out of all five of my siblings, Edwin is my favorite, he knew everything that had ever crossed my mind in contemplation, he was always willing to tell me about those things, no matter how trivial they seemed to be to him, he would listen intently to my dreams and never made it seem like they were silly, the silly dreams of child. Although I am quite sure that there a few of those girlish dreams that were so beyond silliness, that it would be a pure delusion, one that could never and would never happen in any of our life times, but yet listening and soaking every word I spoke and stored it somewhere in his mind.
Edwin was a tall very handsome young man, his skin was very close to the same pale color I had, we had inherited that from our parents, although with his working in the fields he had a sort of reddish-brown coloring around his cheek bones and on his nose. He has blondish- red hair, that he keep very short, he had been trying to grow a beard for the last year but it was completely unsuccessfully, his eyes were hazel and would sometime, on very rare occasions, have flakes of gold floating in them, he was a very sweet tempered, honest to a fault, generous, loving person and he was always there for anyone who needed him for anything, it didn’t matter what the size of the task was, he was always willing to lend a helping hand.
Edwin and I would spend entire evenings a wake when I was twelve years old, the rest of the family was sound a sleep, we would be pondering on what laid out side of our Ireland, what was there to be discovered, what we would do, if we were ever lucky enough to be given an opportunity to go, to visit such strange and exotic places, the both of us would day dream about what was waiting for us, out in the world, it was a total mystery to the two of us, but we knew that in a blink of an eye we both would be ready to explore it together. Edwin and I shared a lot of common likes and dislikes, it was easy to get along with him, it was like I never really had to try with him, it all came just so easily.
William and Shames, on the other hand were nothing like I was, they’re both short in stature and have hazel eyes, and both had the light skin of our heritage. William had red hair, while Shames had a more blondish coloring. They were both aggressive young men, always looking for something dangerous and forbidden to do. One time the two of them snuck off with Papa’s gun, to go hunting alone. They fired the gun at something but Shames ended up with a black eye from the recoil, and they were both in a lot of trouble, to say the least.

Best answer:

Answer by Casey
I’m assuming this is the beginning of the story, and it’s kind of bland. Starting out a story with pure description is a weak opening because not only is it boring and dull, but it forces your readers to care about a character we know nothing about. Start out in the middle of the action, or after the action. If you’re going to start the story before the action has started, then make it more interesting.

Yes, I can picture this teen girl, but it’s not a very gripping description. You don’t need to spend 3 sentences describing someone’s physical appearance. You should reveal a character’s appearance over the course of the novel, perhaps in multiple chapters in the beginning, instead of just flat-out describing the character.

Instead of saying, “I’m Elizabeth, I’ve got red hair.” You could write in 3rd person and say, “As Elizabeth passed by the mirror, she caught a glimpse of her vibrant red curls and was reminded of where she came from – the heart of Ireland.”

Just an example. 🙂 Best of luck.

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